


Nude Richards ;););)

by This_Is_Our_Swamp



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: All the Richards, Angst, Biting, Daddy Kink, Dead Jean, Degrading kink, Down with Floch, Everyone dresses up like Levi, F/F, F/M, Floch slander, Historia's knees, Homosexuality, Hurt/Comfort, Kill Floch, Levi cosplay, Lore - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Mystery, Not just any old knees, Pictures, Polyamourous Relationships, Praise Kink, So many Richards, Texting format, Unreleased Footage, Unrequited Love, flashback episode, jean dies, knees
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:34:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29247357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_Is_Our_Swamp/pseuds/This_Is_Our_Swamp
Summary: Eren's horny. So is S4 Ereh.
Relationships: Connie Springer/Jean Kirschtein, Eren Jaeger/Eren Jaeger, Eren Jaeger/Erwin Smith, Eren Jaeger/Reiner Braun, Eren Jaeger/Reiner Braun/Connie Springer, Eren Jaeger/Reiner Braun/Connie Springer/Historia Reiss, Eren jaeger/levi ackerman, Eren/AsteriskAsteriskAsteriskAsterisk, Eren/everyone - Relationship, Erwin Smith/Levi Ackerman, Floch/Armin, Floch/Erwin, Hanji Zoe/Armin Arlert, Historia Reiss/Dot Pixis, Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Jaeger, Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover, Reiner Braun/Historia Reiss, Ymir Fritz/Historia Reiss, Zeke Jaeger/Levi Ackerman
Comments: 8
Kudos: 13





	Nude Richards ;););)

**Author's Note:**

> hi friend

Historia:  
Guys:(

Reiner:  
Yeah, bb?

Eren:  
what.

Connie:  
???

Historia:  
Ymir just died. I really need someone I can talk to…

Reiner:  
Yeah ik

Send nudes?

Historia:  
Reiner, what the hell?

Connie:  
What he said :)

Eren:  
Is Levi okay??

Reiner:  
NUDES

Historia:  
Yeah, Levi is okay I guess. But I am not Eren, please talk to me.

Connie:  
;););)

Eren:  
I don’t want to talk to you.

Reiner:  
N U D E S  
Historia:  
My girlfriend just died and you want NUDES?? You’re sick Reiner.

Reiner:  
Did I stutter?

And yeah, I am sick. LOVEsick

Eren:  
You have a sick bod Reiner ngl  
Not as good as levi’s tho:/

Reiner:  
thx man

Historia:  
What about me Eren??

Connie:  
YEAH 

We wanna see :(

Eren:  
You are an ugly fucking piece of shit you awful devil spawn. You should have died with Ymir.

Reiner:  
Not cool man. Historia is a goddess.

Historia:  
Shut the fuck up Reiner.

Reiner:  
Come over here and make me why don’t you? ;)

Historia:  
How do you delete someone from a gc?

Reiner:  
It’s my gc tho :\

Historia:  
I should have pushed you off that castle.

Reiner:  
Speaking of the castle… :):):)

Eren:  
Yoooo, pics??

Connie:  
Me or Historia???

Eren:  
You, you sexy mother fucker;)

Connie:  
Oh you >\\\\\\\\\<

Historia:  
I don’t like homos Eren, you know this.

Connie:  
???

But I thought???

I thought you were gay?????

Historia:  
She is dead for a reason.

Reiner:  
Because you couldn’t get enough of this guy, right??? ;)

Historia:  
I killed Ymir thinking she was you, sadly I got the wrong person.

Connie:  
But then she’s not dead bc you weren’t gay

So why do you hate gay people if you’re LITERALLY gay

Historia:  
Shut up you homosexual piece of garbage. 

Reiner:  
I’m LITERALLY harder than my titan rn  
Eren:  
BRO??? PICS????

Connie:  
YOOOO GUYS HOLD UP I THINK JEAN JUST DIED LOL

Reiner:  
Ooooh my bad, sorry

Historia:  
This is why we don’t like you.

Eren:  
You are the person we don’t like. They are using you to get ugly pictures of your disgusting body. 

Reiner:  
Not cool, man. You’re giving us a bad rep

Eren:  
You cum yourself when you look at Historia’s knees, there is a reason she is not sending anything.  
I, on the other hand, will send you as many pics as you want;)

Reiner:  
HELL yeah I do

pls do tho

Eren:  
Only if you send armored titan

Reiner:  
Dude I’m on top of my titan can you see me??

Eren:  
BRO IT’S BIGGER THAN THE COLOSSAL TITAN  
WHEN CAN I SUCK??

Connie:  
But the colossal doesn’t HAVE a dick???

Reiner:  
rn man, get over here  
Connie:  
OMG REINER WTF IT’S HUGE

Eren, you wanna share or??

Eren:  
Only if you share yours…:)…

Reiner:  
3 way??

Connie:  
YESS OMG

Historia:  
We are in battle right now, what the fuck?????

Connie:  
You can rly tell with all the swords being waved around, right guys??? ;)

Eren:  
Death turns me on

Connie:  
Speaking of swords and, you know, death, it’s a shame Jean is gone

I mean, I’d make a joke about horse dicks but they LITERALLY don’t compare. I know from experience, guys, trust me

Reiner:  
All for getting his body out of the titan??

Eren:  
YES DUDE, YES!!

Historia:  
That is completely not okay, what is wrong with you guys?  
This is why I hate gay people, my gosh.

Reiner:  
Hey, don’t be pissed just cause you’re not getting any of THIS

Eren:  
I am here, where are you guys?  
Connie:  
On the way w Jean ;););)

Eren:  
Fucking no, Historia wtf are you doing here

Reiner:  
Yeah wtf Historia back off

No girls aloud. 

Historia:  
I thought this was about me:(

Reiner:  
No knees no dick

Historia:  
I am showing my knees!! You have seen them before!!

Reiner:  
OH SHIT DUDE YOU ARE

Yo, Eren, please let her in that’s rly hot

Eren:  
no

Connie:  
Guys I’m here! Sorry I could only get the bottom half, but that’s all that matters, right?

Historia:  
CONNIE STOP THAT IS SO GROSS WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT??

Connie:  
You wouldn’t understand…

Reiner:  
Yeah, and it’s not like you wouldn’t screw Ymir’s dead bodie if she wasn’t literaly inside of somebody else rn

Historia:  
No, I wouldn't!!  
First of all, I am not gay, that is so gross! It’s grosser than Jean's dead body.  
Secondly, we had a funeral for Ymir, her body was in one piece and I did NOTHING because using it would be DISRESPECTFUL  
Not that I would if I could I am not gay guys

Connie:  
Why would we respect JEAN???

Reiner:  
I literaly SAW Galliard eat her WHAT BODY????

Historia:  
Then who did we bury??

Reiner:  
I wasn’t there, I didn’t see the bodie

Connie:  
OH SHIT EREN YOU’RE GOOD AT THIS

Eren:  
I have experience with certain black haired folk;)

Levi:  
Baka!! I told you not to tell anyone!!! >///<

Eren:  
LEVI? YOU’RE HERE?? PLEASE I SWEAR THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!!

Reiner:  
Ofc he’s here, I made this gc with the HOTTEST people I know, bro

Eren:  
Then why is Mikasa here??

Mikasa:  
Then why are you fucking me rn? EREH?

Eren:  
I THOUGHT YOU WERE A DUDE???!  
BRO??  
WERE YOU LYING TO ME????  
I THOUGHT YOU WERE LEVI??

Mikasa:  
Ereh… :(:(:(

Eren:  
But this doesn’t make sense? Why did you dress up as Levi??  
YOU HAD A DICK?  
DID YOU TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE??

Connie:  
DADDYYYYYYYY

Eren:  
That’s what I use to call who I THOUGHT was Levi:(

Reiner:  
Bro who’s Levi???

Historia:  
My father

Connie:  
Really? But I thought that hot old guy was your- DADDY!!!!

Eren:  
Soon I will be Historias daddy

Erwin:  
I thought you were here for Connie and Reiner???

Eren:  
Don’t be upset bc I am messing around with your bf  
Jealous much?

Connie:  
I didn’t know the captain and the commander were together. Come to think of it though, the Commander disappeared with a different soldier every week, so…

Eren:  
Erwin wishes he had Levi, he is mine. We even have matching baka bracelets. 

Zeke:  
But Levi is MY baka… That’s why I killed- am gonna kill Erwin. 

Eren:  
Dude, I’m with you. Erwin needs to go.

Reiner:  
Eren, DUDE, eyes down here???? You just BIT me??????

Eren:  
Sorry man, I didn’t mean to hurt lil richie:(

Connie:  
OHOH OH NAME MINE

Eren:  
Sexy richard

Connie:  
Yours can be long rich

Eren:  
My dick isn’t nearly as big as your tho…

Connie:  
I like little guys ;)

That’s why Jean and I didn’t work out

Historia:  
I have knee pics ready???  
Who wants to see:)))

Marlo:  
:):):)

Historia:  
Not you Marlo

Pixis:  
;););)

Historia:  
I have special pics for you Pixis;)  
Im not gay tho

Connie:  
??????????!!

Historia:  
I’m NOT  
Once I am queen I am gonna muder every gay person in these walls

Connie:  
I thought you WERE queen???? WTF???

Historia:  
OH YEAH LOL  
Almost forgot:) bahaha

Reiner:  
HOLY SHIT WAS THAT YMIR????

Historia:  
No, I definitely killed her.  
I think??  
I buried someone

****:  
That was me… :(:((

Eren:  
Damn, you still have wifi  
Do you have a dick you can send pics of from there??

****:  
How many do you want?

They come in ALL lengths.

I literally have SO many down here 

Eren:  
all of them  
Are you still there??  
Bro???

Reiner:  
Dude, wack…

Eren:  
Someone get him a charger so I can see his richards

Jean:  
On it

Connie:  
GUYS JEAN’S BODY JUST RAN AWAY???  
HE HAS NO HANDS HOW IS HE GONNA GET THEM A CHARGER???

Eren:  
Jean can’t do anything right, even when he’s dead

Reiner:  
Gotta respect the dick tho

Shame such a large specimen was wasted on such a dumb dude, but at least we had access to it for a while there

Eren:  
Bro, preach

Reiner:  
Speaking of long dicks where DID the commander run off toj

Historia:  
I think he is helping he is helping the ppl who got stuck under the rocks

Eren:  
Bert is low key being an asshole rn  
Ruining houses and everything

Reiner:  
Okay but he’s a hot asshole

BERTL!!! GET OVER HERE AND SHOW EREN YOUR COLOSSAL RICHARD

Berttholoid:  
I am kinda killing people rn  
Not cool to interrupt me

Connie:  
Come ON man, join the sword fight!!

We’re JOUSTING ;););)

Armin:  
Guys I am burning can someone help??

Hanji:  
lol we all KNOW you’re hot already ;) no need to flex ;))))

Armin:  
GUYS PLEASE I’M DYING

Erwin:  
lol same

Eren:  
And I’m dying for that dick;)

Bertholdtototo:  
who’s dick tho??

Eren:  
I don’t want Erwins disgusting dick

Erwin:  
That’s not what you said last night:(:(:(

Eren:  
I WAS WITH LEVI LAST NIGHT THO  
DID YOU DRESS UP AS HIM TOO??

Erwin:  
It was merely an experiment. I wanted to see if your biases were merely because you hate me as a person. I now know that they were. My dick is good and you know it.

Connie:  
***Richard

Eren:  
WHO ELSE DRESSED UP AS LEVI??  
TELL ME!!

S4 Ereh:  
Do you want a show of hands??

Connie:  
WHOA EREN YOU’RE SO HOT

Eren:  
Season 4 Ereh...

S4 Ereh:  
Yeah?

Eren:  
Pics??

S4 Ereh:  
Pics?? I’m on my way ;)

Historia:  
GUYS ARMIN IS DEAD!!!  
HE IS ALL BURNED!!  
SOMEONE HELP HIM!!!

Erwin:  
oh, ARMIN’S dead, is he? ARMIN???? 

Eren:  
no one cares about you.

Floch:  
I care ;););))))

Erwin:  
no.

Historia:  
Get out, Floch

Eren:  
Fucky you, Floch, get out. 

Reiner:  
Get out of here you don’t even have a hot richard

Bertutobo:  
Your family doesn’t love you, Floch

****:  
I don’t even have battery but fuck off

Jean:  
FUCK OFF FLOCH

Mikasa:  
No one wants you here, Floch. 

Armin:  
WE ALL WANT YOU TO BURN, FLOCH

:(((

Hanji:  
Kindly, shut up, Floch.

Pixis:  
what a dickwad.

Marlo:  
What Pixis said!!

Connie:  
Suck a dick, Floch! (But not any of ours…)

Zeke:  
They like me more than you, that should say something, Floch.

Gabi:  
More people like me than you, that’s telling, Floch.

S4 Ereh:  
Not even I like you floch… And I’m into EVERYONE  
(except for Erwin)

Erwin:  
:(

Levi:  
I want you dead, Floch.

Marco:  
Even me, who has NEVER spoken to you hates you.

Floch:  
Who wants to see my dick??

Erwin:  
We LITERALLY all just went off on you and THAT’S HOW YOU RESPOND?

????

Floch:  
You all are playing hard to get, I see  
Can’t be harder than my dick is rn

Erwin:  
If I wasn’t ACTIVELY DYING i would kill you rn

Floch:  
I’d like that

Connie:  
Maybe his weakness is praise?

Good? Boy? I guess???

Historia:  
Guys, Floch just put himself down a titans throat…

Connie:  
What a good little Richard.

Historia:  
He is dead now.

Floch:  
GUYS I JUST FOUND JEAN

Eren:  
Ew, bro, you’re still alive?  
We don’t want Jean if he is contaminated with your Floch cells.

Floch:  
Praise is my kink too tbh ;))))

You won’t find anything I’m not into :))

Erwin:  
He is the biggest threat to mankind I have ever seen

Reiner:  
And you guys wanted to know why we tried to kill all of you….

Erwin:  
Levi, I have a new mission for you. Forget Zeke. Kill Floch.

Levi:  
On it.

Erwin:  
Levi, thank you

**Author's Note:**

> bye friend


End file.
